29th March 2020

All I wanted was to be seen

I said. But even I didn’t really want that

The pointless part of me deemed it unsolvable

Decided on a course of master Painting & Decorating instead.

So I built a trade blotting out the tricky bits

With industrial emulsion in cheap murky colours

Famed for my bent, lent ear and mirrored edges

I can’t say when the error occurred

But I started understanding meaning as confusion

Purposefully blurring the lines - until all became nothing

The paper peeled

And the walls of my house began crumbling down

 

Been down this road before and it’s just

Too easy to give up and evaporate like steam

Into grey skies. Staring impossibility in the face

Feels too much like relief to resist.

 

The endless cycle is exhausting

But it’s my hustle, my livelihood

Try, Fail, Wake, Repeat.